Going to bed in late August and waking up in October, would not normally bode well for a weekend of Oakley fixtures. However, with the dog out of Jack Brundle’s reach, I have checked the BBC weather app and it shows sunshine and a temperature of 20 centigrade.
So, as a glass brimming over the top, type of guy, I am writing this preview in a state of vibrant positivity about our chances of completing a full deck of fixtures.
First XI
The First XI entertain Ashford Hill looking to keep their chances of Vector glory alive. The Hillmen have struggled for results so far but they have some good players, so anything but a solid, dare I say it, professional performance, will see the boys getting totally mugged off.
Captain, Dan Sumner, gives Will Cheyney the opening slot once more as the Oaks continue to look for a balanced side. Otherwise it’s as you were, with James ‘The Artist’ Bayliss and Elliot Hennessey returning to the team.
Win and the Vector Cup dream lives on. Lose and it will flow down the famous Oakley slope, buoyed only by the bitter tears of failure.
Team: Hennessey, Cheyney, Sumner, Bayliss, G Lethaby, A Brundle, Bennett, Welsman, N Rabley, J Carpenter, Barnes
Second XI
The Second-string head off to the picturesque road that is East Woodhay, with a festival of runs looking almost guaranteed.
The Two’s field another obligatory ‘good on paper’ side, boosted by the voluntary omission of the chair, Bob Lethaby. Bob has the double issue of a complete cricketing mental breakdown and the inclusion of Jack ‘The App’ Brundle and the threat he carries to dogs.
There is a club debut for youngster, Hugh Cheyney, who joins The Oaks after long contract discussions. I don’t know his surname, so I have used that of his sister’s boyfriend Will, who plays for the First XI. Despite them all coming from Herriard, they are not related.
Otherwise, it is a team brimming with runs and with a great track at Woodhay, anything less than 400 will be a disappointment. When the ball comes off the bat, it goes to the boundary quicker than a greyhound chasing a rabbit. All the batsmen must do is hit it, something I have been trying to do since the summer of 2005.
Team (no order): Bown, W Rabley, O Rabley, J Brundle, D Jones, Parramore, M Wood, Hugh, Montgomery, Tall Jeff, Savage
Third XI
The Third XI go to Amport determined not to end up at the Chairman’s house looking for a game of cricket. The Chairman lives two doors away from the Amport secretary who holds the same post code. Two years ago, one of the players who I shall not name (Dan Jones) gave the post code of Amport’s secretary to the players, who turned up outside the chairman’s house.
It is an hilarious tale that I have relayed time again to family, friends, and my clients, who hide their amusement and belly laughs by looking at me blankly as a distant church bell rings and tumbleweed floats past my face. If you have friends and family you want rid of, simply say, “Did I tell you about the time our cricket team headed to Amport…”. It works every time.
Dave Bowers captains and the boys travel with a decent side to see what they can get out of playing a team that is three leagues higher. It will certainly be a good test for them and an opportunity to see how far they have come.
The team, uniquely, will feature three players from the same family, with Andy Hamilton lining up with son’s Reuben and Herbie. This will mean lining up for The Oaks this weekend, there will be two lots of three, with all the Rableys also playing.
Looking back through The Oaks history books, this is the first time this has happened since the 1877 season, when the Crunchcarrot family took up all 11 places in the Oakley First XI. Oakley romped to the title but found themselves caught up in bitter controversy. This was due to brutal interbreeding, leading to some of the players having as much as 8 fingers on each hand.
Champions: The Crunchcarrot family dominated the 1877 Oaks team
Bitter rivals Upper Funnyfarm CC claimed that this gave The Oaks an unfair advantage and they were sent to the HCL for analysis of their catching techniques. The boys were cleared of wrongdoing and The Funnyfarmers were put in stocks at the Oakley Village Fete. They were pelted with bricks by the Hampshire Stonemasons Society, with The Oaks joyfully parading the trophy in front of them.
Humiliated and in several cases, dead, The Funnyfarmers folded, with Badger Baiters CC taking their place in the league. They were much simpler times.
Team: Bowers, Thakur, A Hamilton, R Hamilton, H Hamilton, T McEwan, Coulter, James, Bishop, De Vos, P Carpenter.
Sunday XI
On Sunday we have a friendly with The Candovers that doesn’t normally happen. However, The Candovers have a full team of Ian Bennett’s clients, so it looks like this one might go ahead.
The Oaks welcome back Simon Dutton after he pulled every muscle in his body versus the BBC the other week. It is an eclectic looking team as usual, with Bob Lethaby and Matt Clift looking to see if they can bowl the ball somewhere in the vicinity of the stumps after last week’s shocker.
It’s been an up and down season for The Sunday XI. However, what has remained consistent is our ability not to care if we win or lose. If ineptitude and calamity is taken away from the Sunday fixtures, the crowds would stop flocking to these games in their ones.
Team: Bennett, Dutton, Kancharla, B Lethaby, Howarth, G Lethaby, A Brundle, Jones, Clift, Fawad
So, off we go again. I am told by the ever reliant BBC App that the wind and showers will clear to give us a glorious late summer weekend that will live in the memory for days.
Vroom, vroom…handbrake off…into first gear, we travel without fear my friends, we travel without fear.