With a host of weather warnings suggesting downpours, thunder, lightning, and hailstones the size of cricket balls, this could be the most pointless cricket preview in the history of pointless cricket previews.
However, with the type of deluded positivity carried by WWI soldiers looking forward to ‘going over the top’, I shall stiffen my British upper lip, laugh in the face of basic logic, and carry on regardless.
First XI
Buoyed by their victory over Wherwell last week, The First XI make just two changes to last week’s team when they visit Vector highfliers, Odiham. Elliot Hennessey has, one would assume, seen the forecast and decided not to drive down from Worcester. It’s hard to blame him.
The lad they call NSC will be replaced in a like for like swap featuring James Bayliss. James missed last week’s game for some family time with Simon Dutton at Whitchurch CC, so it is with some irony that he will be doing the same this week as the rain cascades down his windows and the River Test introduces itself to his living room.
The other change sees Dan Jones dropping down despite his impressive 1-36 off three overs last week. He is replaced by irrepressible root canal surgeon, Fawad Amin, who aims to make the Odiham batsmen as miserable as his terrified patients.
It could be a good game this one, but someone needs to step up and replace Elliot’s runs. With club chairman, Bob Lethaby, not selected, no one knows who that man will be.
Team: Sumner, Cheyney, Bayliss, G Lethaby, A Brundle, Bennett, C Welsman, Amin, N Rabley, Carpenter, T Barnes.
Second XI
The Second XI are getting rained off at home this weekend, with the visitors being Odiham’s second string. The Two’s are battered, bruised and bankrupt of mental strength after last week’s hammering at Whitchurch. They will be delighted to see the return of free scoring duo Steve Bown and Micky Wood.
Chairman, Bob Lethaby, finds himself on the wrong end of a brutal selection policy despite his one run last week and is replaced by the dashing Jack Brundle. Dan Jones comes down from the First XI to fill the role of chipping one up to mid-on whilst looking good.
All in all, the Second XI has a balanced look to it and is full of good players, so if it doesn’t rain, they should be okay. A bit like they should have been okay v Whitchurch. Could be a decent game this; shame it’s going to be called off.
Team (in no order): Bown, M Wood, D Jones, Fox, Savage, J Brundle, O Rabley, R Wood, J Triner, Montgomery, Liyanage
Third XI
The Third XI will be wasting their afternoon by setting off to Ramsdell to sit in their cars knowing deep down, it is not going to stop raining. However, even that is better than being trapped in your own private hell, wandering aimlessly around the dystopian, masked up misery, of Festival Place, asking yourself how your life became so pitiful.
I can’t be bothered to look right now, but the team looks largely unchanged with the only notable addition being the return of Nick Green, who is brought in to get as many of the opposition upset as can be possible.
Dan Beckell doesn’t seem to be on the list, so one assumes Dave Bowers will skipper this week. This will also mean the experienced Deano James coming in as vice skip to help Dave along with the Duckworth Lewis laws in what could turn out to be a game reduced to one over each.
Stop press…I have just been informed that Ramsdell has its own microclimate, so I fully expect this one to go ahead, with soaring temperatures and blues skies above what is sure to be a wonderful game, played in a tremendous spirit.
Team: Bowers, H Hamilton, Bishop, Thakur, W Rabley, Kancharla, Parramore, James, Coulter, Turner, Green.
This week, the Sunday team probably won’t be going to Odiham for a friendly. I have not got a Danny La Rue who is supposed to be playing but I think I got a text saying that I am. I can only assume that other players selected got a text as well and that Ian Bennett is skippering.
Team: Bennett, B Lethaby, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist, A Trialist.
Vroom, vroom….fizz, fizz, spray, splat…oh for f…has anyone got a tow rope? The bus is stuck in the mud.