The great Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw famously said, “The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.” Indeed, last Friday night’s game for the Under 15 Colts against Basingstoke, in Arctic-like conditions, seemed to go on forever.
It is only several days later that this reporter has been able to thaw out his fingers enough to write up the following.
Let’s get it on.
Dubious weather had led many to predict (or wish) that the game would be canceled, allowing them to enjoy watching Scotland once again be embarrassed in international sport, or even better, Monty Don pottering in his garden. However, Basingstoke was keen to host, so the mighty Oaks turned up and, ignoring the dubiously claimed “Summer” party being hosted at the clubhouse, proceeded to bat first.
Will McCathy was this week’s “Captain” Birdseye impersonator in Joby’s absence, the lure of watching Gardeners’ World clearly proving too much for Joby. Will sent in Bhiela and Zac first, and they opened up with some stiff, frozen-like shots to some stiff, frozen-like bowling.
After four overs, clearly feeling the cold, they attempted to warm up by running a dubious second, and Zac (5) was out by miles. The score sat at 31 for 1. Ted (3) was the next man in and then subsequently the next man out three overs later, being clean-bowled when going for a big shot.
Mercy mercy me.
Skipper Will was up next, and with Bhiela (10) having played some nice shots and seen out his eight overs, retiring a few balls later, Harrison joined Will at the crease. Will decided to finally bring the heat and proceeded to smash everything and everyone, hammering all parts of the ground like an angry Icelandic volcano. At the other end, Harrison (1), under the weather, couldn’t get going and was clean-bowled. 58 for 3 from 10 overs.
Brin came in and did a good job supporting Will as he continued to feast on the bowlers like seagulls on spilled chips. Playing it perfectly, he arrived on 39 and proceeded to launch the ball over deep mid-wicket for 6. A glorious 45 retired not out from 22 balls.
It takes two.
Much to Basingstoke’s horror, McCathy replaced McCathy, as younger brother Tom came in to replace Will. Tom clearly felt no pressure filling big brother’s shoes as he set about picking up runs with Brin (3) before the latter was caught from a top edge. 122 for 4 from 16.
Jake (10) came in and set about hitting some decent shots before he got run out, getting caught watching the ball and not the call. Tom (17) and George (4) saw out the few remaining overs to give Oakley a decent 151 to defend.
Ain’t no mountain high enough.
So Oakley went back out into the frozen wasteland to see if they could make it 3 out of 3 in the league for the season. Zac opened the bowling, and in a foreboding sign, the team contrived to concede 6 wides from the fourth ball, 11 in total from the over overall, with Basingstoke playing well at anything short. Harrison was far more economical at the other end, but it was Zac who picked up the first wicket when the Basingstoke batter chipped one to Skipper Will, who gratefully took the catch. 21-1 from 3.
Not to be outdone, Harrison picked up not one, but two wickets in his next over. Both were lovely clean bowls that had Basingstoke looking “d’icy” on 24 for 3 after 4 overs. An early finish on the cards perhaps? Many parents eyeing the warmth of the clubhouse certainly hoped so!
But alas, no, Oakley continued to mix really decent balls with some utter dross, the field also being a mixed bag, and the score ticked along until Brin decided to conjure up some Bowers magic and produced the fourth wicket from a fine delivery in the 11th over. 76 for 4 was now the score.
Jake, Freddie, and Owen all pitched in on the bowling, but it was Bhiela who was the pick of the day, 2 overs for just 1 run. More economical than a perpetual motion machine, that lad!
Harrison picked up his third wicket in the 18th over, rapping the batter’s pad and leaving Basingstoke 120 for 5, needing 32 to win from 14 balls. Surely Oakley were home and dry?
What’s going on?
Only the late great Marvin Gaye can truly answer that question, but I’d endeavor to explain the next 14+1 balls as well as the scorecard, beer-fuddled memory, and utter disbelief allow.
The next two balls went for 2 and 4, leaving Basingstoke needing 26 from 12 balls.
Will took the 19th and went for 9, including some truly woeful fielding worthy of a Carry On movie with a double overthrow in the mix at some point.
So it was 17 from 6 balls. Harrison had the ball again. The first ball went for 4, with a classic case of the fielder going with their legs and not their hands, and it slipping through them like a dodgy late-night kebab the next morning. Coach Dave is seen shaking his fanciful perm head of hair in disgust. 13 from 5 needed. Ball 2 is a single. Ball 3 is a single. This is better. Ball 4 is a single. Ball 5 is a single. This is much better! They need 8 to draw and 9 to win.
Ball 6. Carry on cricket returns. Harrison bowls. The batter clips it somewhere down leg and sets off running like he’s got 11 angry bees after him. At least 9 of those bees are trying to get the ball. It’s tossed about like a beach ball but makes its way to the keeper’s end. Bails fly off in an explosion of glove, ball, and McCathy, as wicky Tom hasn’t destroyed anything for at least several overs and is feeling belligerent. The batter is in though and, a la Gone With the Wind, frankly doesn’t give a damn and goes for another. The ball goes up the other end, and it’s a run out! Hallelujah. It’s over.
Only it’s not over. It was a no ball. So Basingstoke have picked up 4 more and now need 4 to draw and 5 to win.
The stumps are rebuilt AND we go again. Ball 6. Harrison bowls. The batter swings at it like he’s trying to launch it to the moon. Everyone turns to see where he hit it and if anyone’s windscreens are in danger in the car park several miles away. But no, he’s missed it and it’s gone down leg. He’s propelled himself halfway up the wicket with his swing momentum regardless though, so they run. More bees gather up the ball and sling it in to the batter’s end. More bails and stumps explode in their demolition by Tom “Bulldozer” McCathy. The batsman is in again, and again they look at the wreckage of their stumps and turn and go for another.
At this stage, the ball either ends up at the other end or someone tries to get a screwdriver and remove the middle stump from the spring base with ball in hand. Whatever, Umpire Kris has seen enough of this exhibition in cricketing chaos and the match is over. Oakley, despite trying their hardest, have won the match by 3 runs, and while no one is quite sure of this for a further 5 minutes, eventually everyone gets the message and gets to head home to put on the heating.
In June.
It’s a crazy world.