With the skies already darkening prior to an incoming low pressure, I write this preview fully understanding that I might well be wasting my time. Already, certain members of the club are expertly utilising their weather apps and pretending to be Tomasz Schafernaker.
As John Cleese once famously said, “It’s not the despair. I can take despair. It’s the hope I cannot stand”.
Schafernaker: He’s a Weatherman
Second XI
With the First XI game on the Isle of Wight cancelled due to so many reasons I have given up counting, our focus shifts to the Second XI. Because we are an honourable club standing on moral ground so high that we need oxygen, we have chosen not to flood the Two’s with first team players.
Some vacuous folks may imply that is because there is no discernible difference between our first and second teams. However, to do so would be churlish, malicious, disrespectful, and indeed, true. I don’t really know the line-up, as it was given to me randomly to cunningly throw our opposition into chaos.
What I do know is that Jack Brundle needs a run (just one will be a start) and Steve Bown will be looking to build on his innings of last week. Mickey Wood will be hoping Ollie Rabley doesn’t umpire. There is nothing more galling than being given out by your own umpire in a friendly when they had ample opportunities to cheat.
Overall, the side looks quite balanced and enough to give our opposition a good game. It will also offer an indication as to how we will get on this season.
Third XI
A look at the forecast would suggest that the Third XI won’t be going to Petersfield tomorrow. However, work is quiet this afternoon, so I will continue unabated. The words ‘dead’, ‘flogging’ and ‘horse’, come to mind.
For the first but most certainly not the last time this season, I shall describe the Third XI as eclectic. This is because, as ever, Dan Beckell is blending youth and experience. I like to use the word ‘experience’ as it sounds nicer than saying ‘old’. It also adds to the intrigue. For example, I am an experienced cricketer, yet the opposition would never know 95% of those experiences have been traumatic.
Dan will be looking to keep up his promising pre-season form in a batting line up that will need assistance from Phil ‘Chippy’ Carpenter, his boy Josh, and the irrepressible Kris ‘The Wall’ Tucknott. Young Savindu Sapumanage has also looked useful with the bat and Will Rabley can also contribute well.
The bowling looks strong for a Third XI, with youngster, Noah Beckell, upping the pace and accuracy last week as an opener. Noah teams up with emerging talent, Harry Tucknott, in what looks like a promising opening partnership. They will have good backing from Savindu Sapumanage and Oakley’s very own Hoddle and Waddle, Avi and Ravi.
It would be a decent game this if it weren’t about to get cancelled.
Sunday 11
On Sunday, we entertain a new team called West London CC, who are thrilled to join us for an afternoon of cricket and crunching carrots. West London are team of what has been described as weak to average players, but no one really knows what that means?
The last time we played an unknown Sunday team of ‘average’ ability, a group of fit looking chaps turned up in a Transit van looking like they meant business. They bowled at approximately 85mph and rattled us out for about 7. They then got back in their van and drove back to Middlesex, presumably to sign for The Chennai Superkings. Maybe they were average at Maths or something?
Without trying to sound tedious, this is an eclectic team featuring some First XI players not getting a game on Saturday. It also includes loyal Sunday players such as Mad Alan and Matt Clift getting a run out. How we line up will depend on what the quality of the opposition is like. Hopefully, they are on a par with us as Sunday Cricket is about having a bit of fun and meeting new and interesting people. Tabitha ‘Nine Pints’ from Tabard Pilgrims, being a fine example.
Before I wish you good luck, I would like to clear up any rumours about my absence from this weekend’s teams. It has been said by some that it is because I am useless. Others have suggested I took one look at the forecast and decided I didn’t want an afternoon looking at the sky for any sign of hope. The truth is, 2021 is the year when I finally want to land the coveted ‘Clubman of the Year’ and by making way for others, I have made a great start.
Have a good one chaps…vroom, vroom, into gear (slip, slide spin) give me a push guys, the Oakley bus is stuck…
